Wet Dreams

Waves crashed against the sea shore
and the sun struck the waves as if trying to get them to stay still. An overbearing mother kind of thing. All in all, your typical day at the beach. The birds flew blissfully in the sky singing their song for those who’d pause their hectic lives to listen and also for those blessed with a voice to join.  Yours truly, was none of the two. I was just the observer. And so I stood, deaf to the tone but aware of their singing. The water was up to my knees and I felt… alive. In the waters of Elegushi beach, Lagos, I felt alive.

I had just graduated from the University of Ibadan where I had obtained my first degree from the Faculty of Agriculture. I was finally done with school and its crap after 5 whole years. Assignments, compulsory lectures cause of scrap attendance and most importantly, sitting next to people who don’t know what soap or body spray is. I was done with all that nonsense. I moved deeper into the waters as I noticed two young hot ladies walking towards where I stood kicking against the waters. As much as I adored their truly breathtaking forms from afar, I wasn’t with my glasses so I had no clear visuals of their faces, and was not in the mood to start a conversation. Besides, through my limited yet ‘vast’ experience, I had noted that the gods do not so often bestow a lady with such ridiculously wonderful curves with a witty brain as well. They had to maintain the façade that they were fair of course. And so, those types were so rare. I love the female form, boobs especially, but there’s something about a witty conversation filled with banter that just sates me. Okay not sates entirely, just makes me forget that I am a horny young man with a properly functioning penis for a while. They could not have been approaching me however so I wasn’t really worried. I have neither the face nor body that appeals to the opposite sex, plus I’m broke. I had abandoned the after graduation party that the rest of my set had put together. I had even abandoned the little get together that my closest friends, my “real” family as we liked to joke, had put together. I just wanted to be alone, ever known the feeling? The feeling of just wanting to disappear for a while and sort your life out? I felt like this was the right time to do it. I had just finished school and with that, gone were my days of a guaranteed monthly income (my allowance). I was now, in the real sense of the hunter and caveman way, a man. I would be paying bills, meant to pitch towards my siblings upkeep. I had no idea where I was going or how I was going to achieve that. I felt lost. So, here I was, alone, wading in the waters of Atlantic Ocean.

The girls walked past me giggling about God knows what without even noticing my presence. I couldn’t care less though and just continued moving deeper into the waters. I don’t know where I thought I was going but I just kept moving in. It was like the water was calling me in. I looked ahead towards the horizon, where the sky comes to kiss its long lost lover, the earth, and saw three speedboats speeding across. They seemed to be having fun- just skidding across the ocean’s waters wind in their hair, laughter in their throats- I thought as I lay on my back and just floated in the ocean. As I lay there, I noticed a small bottle floating beside me and began to wonder about all the things that were in this ocean with me. The stories they could possibly tell. The bottles, lost hats, lost glasses even dead bodies. I began to think of the sweat, blood, urine and even semen that had probably been spilled in these waters in time with all the stories. I winced when it occurred to me that I was probably afloat in a pool of semen, the seed of multiple men, but that feeling of disgust left after a while and I just floated. Floating, I found myself suddenly with the urge to empty my bladder. I had tested it’s strength throughout my trip from Ibadan and now it was giving way. I looked towards the shore and calculated that it was too far and I too lazy. I turned my head to check my surroundings. Relieved to find out that I was alone, I just lay there floating and emptied the bad boy. As my urine trickled out of my proud  Johnson, I sighed the sigh of great contentment; the sigh that comes after opening a tub of ice cream in your fridge and actually finding ice cream not Oha soup inside it. Just as my treacle died down, I realized that I had left a part of me in the rivers of time and chuckled to myself. Even if I couldn’t travel the world, my urine should. Now that I had emptied my bladder, I just lay back and continued floating.

The sun was beginning to take a break behind a huge cloud that lay splattered on the sky. I was drifting slowly in no apparent direction when I felt something hit me. I took it as the twin of the previous bottle and did nothing to move it or move away, expecting it to just float past me as the other one did. It didn’t however. I began to feel a tapping on my shoulder. I tried to ignore it, thinking the current was just getting in the bottle’s way but the tapping didn’t cease. As I turned to see who it was disturbing, having concluded that only a human being could tap this persistently, I was faced with the huge cute face of my 5yr old niece. I was at home.

“Uncle K, Uncle K, wake up”, she said looking at me with those her cute small eyes.

“Yes, Chi?”, I slurred.

“Why is the bed wet, Uncle K?”, she asked. Her head and eyes moving towards the foot of the bed.

“Wait. What? Wet?”, I asked her. Clearly, my brain now beginning to wake up.

“Yes, Uncle. See now.”, she replied me pointing towards the spot just around my knees.

Shit, Shit, Shit, I mutter to myself. I look down to where she’s pointing and it’s then I realize that I am soaked. And then it hit me. Fuck! I had just wet the bed.

Osondu

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18 thoughts on “Wet Dreams

  1. This is beautiful. I started reading it with that sense of obligation to grant a friend’s request. I found myself sitting to finish it up. At some point I read it out loud as I laughed with nostalgia. Kudos Uche!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I wont lie, I admire your descriptive ability. Nice one. Thanks for sharing what happened to you last week. But ermm, I go snitch you to Uncle K.

    Like

  3. Hahaha…. now this was funny and lovely. thumbs up!… as to the 100 flash words thngy, 100 wasn’t quite enough for expression…. love this though.

    Like

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